House of Hope Online

March 26, 2023

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Jesus once said: “unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.”  The context of His statement is found in John 3:1-8.  Jesus was having a discussion with Nicodemus, a teacher and ruler of Israel, and He went on to explain that “…unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter into the Kingdom of God.  That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.  Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘you must be born again.’  The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going, so is everyone who is born of the Spirit.”

What Jesus was saying there is that our salvation is a matter of the Spirit.  Just as we were born physically, we must be born spiritually.  We are drawn into salvation by the Spirit of God, not by the works of the flesh.  When the time is right, when circumstances are conducive, the Holy Spirit will draw us in, and we will confess with our mouth that Jesus is Lord, and really believe in our heart that God raised Him from the dead.  We become born again in the Spirit, and we thereafter have access to the gifts of the Spirit and fruit of the Spirit.

Today, I want to discuss the impact that Jesus and the Holy Spirit can have on a marriage when both husband and wife become born-again.  My wife, Nancy, and I have been married for nearly 45 years, and I believe the Lord would have us share with you some of our difficulties and how Jesus kept us together and built our marriage, especially in the early years when it could have gone either way.  I say this by word of experience that a marriage can itself become born-again.

I shared in earlier blogs and podcasts that I was raised as a Roman Catholic in a small church where I grew up in West Aliquippa, PA.  I remember the Spirit of God moving in that small church when I was very young, in fifth grade.  I could feel His presence and the Holy Spirit was drawing me to Jesus, but I never really accepted and gave my life to Him until many years later as an adult.  This led to some problems in our young marriage because Nancy became born again before I did, and I was not happy that she had become what I used to call a “Jesus Freak.”

By contrast, Nancy, on the other side of the state in Philadelphia, was raised Presbyterian.  She was the youngest of four children, and her father was a strong encouragement in her walk with Jesus.  Like me, she had visitations from the Holy Spirit at a young age but did not become born again until after her father died.

To help me with this testimony, Nancy joins this discussion to give her perspective because God really did a work in her to help her as a Christian wife before I became born again.  In the text that follows, Nancy refers to me as “Giules,” (pronounced “Jewels”) which is my lifelong nickname.  As we worked on this together, we both had tears of joy recalling the many ways that God moved in our lives for the benefit of our entire family.  Nancy’s special relationship with Jesus was a big driver in all of that.

So, let me turn it over to Nancy for her perspective.

From Nancy:

As Giules mentioned, I grew up Presbyterian and I experienced the presence and power of Jesus many times in my childhood and young adult life.

Giules and I met in college in early 1975, when I was a sophomore, and he was a senior at Indiana University of PA (IUP).  He was his fraternity’s president and a good student; in fact, when we began dating, he was on an internship with the coal company that became our family source of income for 22 years.  I was a decent student as well, but less organized and committed, and I was into the drug scene on campus.  I really despised the fraternity / sorority thing until after we met, and I started hanging around with Giules and his brothers.  Our friends really couldn’t believe we became romantically involved because we were two very different people.  But with God all things are possible. 

A Marriage Born in the Flesh that Became Born Again

We were married in May 1978 in Eddington Presbyterian Church in the Philadelphia area.  I vividly remember the ceremony and seeing Jesus at the altar next to me on my left with Giules on my right, and all three of us facing the Presbyterian pastor and Catholic priest.  The Lord has stood with us ever since, as we faced many challenges to our marriage. 

Our first year of marriage was draining.  Giules’ mother underwent open heart surgery in October of 1978 and suffered serious complications, which resulted in our making 2-hour trips every weekend from Indiana, PA to Aliquippa, PA to help Giules’ brother, Nick, care for her.  I had a precious relationship with Laura Giuliani, my mother-in-law, who treated me like her own daughter.  She confessed to me once that while watching TV evangelists she accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior.  She went home to be with the Lord shortly after in February 1979.  My father, who was committed and trusted Jesus, died suddenly of a heart attack in December 1979.  So, we were dealing with tremendous grief during the first year and a half of marriage.

Almighty God began to prepare me for the consuming shock of the loss of my father exactly one week prior to my father’s death.  Driving home for dinner break from work on a Monday evening, I heard an overwhelming voice saying: “Nancy, I love you!” I was totally confused, but then in a moment’s time, I realized the voice belonged to Almighty God.  I was filled with joy and peace like I have never experienced before.  I realized and understood that our God of the universe loved me.

I returned to work after dinner and became consumed by my career and duties, which caused me to forget that experience with the Lord.  The very next Monday, I was faced with my father’s death.  Giules found out about it before I did and he was the one who broke the news to me, while holding me in a very tight embrace.  I immediately began to flail and wail and found myself engulfed in a hopeless abyss.  While Giules held me and would not let me go, I heard the voice and words that I had heard one week earlier: “Nancy, I love you!”  Once again, Father God’s presence engulfed me, and I was filled with His peace.  Giules was amazed by how calm I suddenly became.  I went to my knees alongside our bed and was filled with joy as my Heavenly Father said, “Your father is here with me.”  My earthly father was with my heavenly Father and now I understood fully what it meant to give yourself totally to God and trust Him fully.  It was that moment when I truly became born again.

The next few years of marriage became very rocky.  I was now focused and seeking to learn and understand all I could about the Bible and Jesus.  Giules continued to be in control of his life, working at the coal company and providing comfortably for our family.  I attended all the prayer and church meetings I heard about.  I started to practice speaking in tongues.  I tried to explain my many exciting and exhilarating spiritual experiences to Giules, but that only alarmed him instead of exciting him.  He did not share my excitement and was not pleased with the person I had become.

I even began to try to explain and teach about tongues.  We would have so many energy draining arguments about my involvement with Jesus, my constant reading of the Bible, and the people I was now surrounding myself with.  Often Giules would not even speak to me for days.   We began to attend different churches.  I sought out charismatic services, where the presence of God was tangible, and the gifts of the Spirit were evident. Giules was more comfortable attending the non-charismatic, local catholic church.  We even attended a catholic couple’s weekend, but the strife continued.  Several times Giules became frustrated and would say he did not want to see me in our home when he returned from work.  This was such a dark period in our marriage! 

I didn’t know what to do, but I sought the Lord and He gave me a word.   In 1^st Corinthians 7:15 the Apostle Paul writes: “Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave;” God was telling me not to leave Giules.  God poured His mercy, grace, and strength into me.  At times during our arguments, I would feel as though I was tucked into a bubble.  Giules fought desperately for the wife of his youth.  He felt betrayed because I had changed dramatically.  The wife who agreed with him on everything suddenly had an issue she wouldn’t budge on.  I still treated him as head of household on everything, except I could not compromise on reading the Bible and seeking Jesus. 

From Giules:

I remember how the steadfastness of Nancy’s faith ultimately witnessed to me because I knew she was not one who had to have everything her way.  I respected the strength of her conviction and later realized that the Lord had given her the courage to resist me on this issue.  In 1983, after the birth of our second child Anthony, I began to feel the stress of providing for a growing family.  I poured myself into my work, and even took a second job as a part-time, evening instructor of accounting and finance at IUP.  I was very motivated and driven in those days, but I worried a lot, an obvious sign that I was relying on myself and not the Lord for everything.  But Nancy never worried; she never doubted that God would provide for us.

From Nancy:

At that time, I felt overwhelming joy and trust in the Lord.  I decided that Giules’ problems would be relieved only if he heard the Word of God and learned to trust God fully.   I began to read scripture to him constantly, whenever I could.  I would even get out of bed early, which was an extreme sacrifice on my part, to read to him while he shaved, showered, dressed, and even as he went out the door for work until he could no longer hear my voice.  I continued to attend and even host prayer meetings in our home while Giules was at work even though he was unhappy about these activities.

Then, one day during a prayer meeting at our home, while many women were quietly waiting on the voice of the Lord, one friend in obedience to the Lord, asked, “Nancy, are you nagging your husband?”  I was surprised, even shocked to hear my name called, and I was very bothered by the question.  I answered “No!”  Just then another woman advised we go back into prayer seeking understanding of the question. The same woman who asked the original question also continued to ask: “Are you reading the Bible to your husband?”  “Of course, I am,” I said proudly.  “Isn’t that what I am supposed to do?”  It is important to note that I never told anyone that I was doing these things, so this revelation was truly a word of knowledge from the Lord. 

All the women in the prayer meeting began to laugh with joy as I explained my sacrifice of getting out of bed early and reading scripture out loud to Giules until he shut the front door and went to work.  And God explained through another word of knowledge that my well-intentioned actions were a form of nagging my husband.  Oh my, I thought, Almighty God was calling me a husband nagger.  And I thought I was the most self-sacrificing wife and obedient child of God, sharing His word.  God continued with the following word of knowledge and wisdom: “It is not just you that I have in Giules’ life to share My gospel.  I have many people in his life daily that you are not aware of, including coworkers. Every time I get close to him you show up and get in between Me and Giules.   Stop reading the Bible to him, stop nagging him.” 

You might think this would be a devastating word for me, but this turned out to be a freeing word.  When God brings a word, even a word of correction, it is uplifting to us and never condemning.  It was no longer my responsibility to bring my husband screaming and kicking to the Lord.  I immediately stopped reading the Bible to him, and I stopped hosting Bible and prayer meetings in our home because God told me to respect Giules’ wishes.  My quiet demeaner became a more powerful witness for Giules than any of my previous actions.  Within a matter of weeks, he arranged for a babysitter and invited me out to lunch and asked if I could find a church that we both would be comfortable attending.  Giules was not comfortable with the raising of hands at charismatic churches.  I said I would think about it, and I did take several days to pray and intercede.  I was conflicted because I did not want to come away from the charismatic services which I enjoyed and where I experienced the presence of God.  But at the same time, I felt that God was fulfilling His promise that if I got out of the way, He would work on Giules and draw Him into relationship.  Giules’ willingness to compromise on where we attended church was evidence of God moving in his life.

In His wisdom, God took us to a Methodist church, a non-charismatic place where the pastor at the time was going to the woods to seek a word from God.  Thank You, Lord, it was the perfect church for our family at the time, and God used that place to heal our marriage and our family.  I will turn it over to Giules to finish the story. 

From Giules:

The pastor at the Methodist Church had a good command of the scriptures and his preaching appealed to me and increased my knowledge of the word.  I eventually led the adult Sunday school class and got involved with the church’s finance committee.

A few years later, God led us back to the Assembly of God Church where the Spirit moved and ministered to our family in a big way. This was the church where people raised hands and I was very uncomfortable at first.  I’ll be honest – I was a little spooked by the move of the Holy Spirit because I had never been around it before.  I also felt that people who raised hands were trying to appear “holier than thou” and I really struggled with it.  One day during a service, the Lord spoke into my spirit that the raising of hands was a sign of humility.  This was a miracle because it was one of the first times I heard a word of the Lord in my spirit.  God said the people were acknowledging that they worship a God that was a higher power.  When I learned that, I raised my hands and felt a lifting in my spirit.  There was freedom in acknowledging the supremacy of God, who is worthy to be praised. I learned that God loves a humble spirit and is opposed to the proud.

It was at the Assembly of God Church where we received a word of the Lord that opened the door for me to leave my job at the coal company after 22 years.  When we left that job, it was like Jesus’ disciple Peter getting out of the boat and focusing on Jesus, but God grew our faith as our family grew.  This was a significant event for us spiritually because Nancy and I were finally united in relying on the Lord and seeking Him for guidance.  We went into prayer separately and the Holy Spirit would speak the same word to each of us.  It was a little scary being out of work for four months, but my faith in Jesus as provider increased significantly.  I accepted a job in Birmingham AL, and we attended a wonderful, non-denominational Christian church where I gave my first word of the Lord during a church service.

We returned to Pittsburgh after a couple years, and the rest as they say, is history.  The beauty of it all is that God used every church we attended to grow our family in His ways, and His faithfulness to us is overwhelming.

To close, we had a marriage that was born in the flesh.  While we both experienced the presence of God at an early age, neither did anything with it, but the Lord remained faithful to us.  We thought we loved each other when we first married but we really didn’t know what love was until Jesus stepped into the middle of our lives and taught us.  To become born-again, our marriage had to become born of water and the Spirit.  As Jesus said in John 3:8: “The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going, so is everyone who is born of the Spirit.”  Our marriage did not know where it came from or where it was going, but by the grace of God it became born again in the Spirit, and the love of Jesus did the rest. 

Nancy felt a burden to convince me to become born again, but the Lord lifted that burden from her and delivered on His promise.  One spouse does not need to convince the other, but both spouses need to submit to Jesus and allow the Holy Spirit to lead them as they face the challenges of marriage and the schemes of the devil.  Our marriage is not perfect, but Jesus remains faithful to us, so it will not fail.  We encourage you to intercede for your marriage and trust Him to do the heavy lifting. 

Father God, we thank You for our born-again marriage, and the work you did through Jesus and the Holy Spirit to make it what You envisioned, even before Nancy and I fully committed to You.  We pray for all marriages in the world today, that they would know Your love.  We pray for families as they face difficulties that even exceed the challenges we faced.  We know You are faithful, and so in Jesus’ name, we pray.  Amen.